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Rabbi Michael Beals October 11, 2024
Temple Beth El Newark, DE
KOL NIDREI: HOW TO GO ABOUT BEING A GOOD PERSON
Gut Yontev.
In a traditional synagogue service, the confession, or viddui, prayers are repeated TEN times, twice during each of the five services of Yom Kippur, beginning tonight with Kol Nidrei. And within those ten confessional texts, we have the short confession, beginning with the word Ashamnu, meaning “we have sinned,” and the longer Al Cheyt, meaning “For the sin,” which is a set of 22 double acrostics, arranged in aleph to tav order.
Dearest friends --- that’s A LOT of confessing!
As is my approach with all things Jewish, I keep coming back to this simple Talmudic question. Stated in my best Aramaic, it’s simply this: mah nafkamina? What is the practical implication? The rabbis find themselves asking this question a lot, because as you might find apparent even in Jews TODAY, (including myself), the Rabbis of the Talmud were susceptible to going off on tangents. I suppose it’s the curse of having an active brain. So, the third person narrator of these complicated Talmudic arguments, would sometimes have to rein in the discourse with a mah nakfamina?
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I share this bissela Talmud with you because I am afraid, with all this confessing, over and OVER again, during these next 25 hours of fasting, we might get lost in the weeds. Therefore, I am compelled to ask – Mah nakfamina – what is the practical implication of all this confessing?
And the answer is – to make each of us into a better person. So, if we refrain from “licentiousness,” “haughtiness,” and “running to do evil,” we might each become a better person. But the problem is, there are so many potential sins to which we are confessing, and the language, at times can be so archaic, that we might lose the purpose in all of this. And that would be a shame. Afterall, how many opportunities do we have in a year to gather with some of our best friends in the Jewish (and Jewish-adjacent) community and work on self-improvement together?
In the spirit of “getting to know you,” I would like to share with you this evening some of the ways I try to go about being a good person, with the hope that some of my attempts at “good personhood” are useful to you. Even if they are not, I think it is important for you to better understand the rabbi you have chosen, so even when I get it wrong, which I am sure will be often, you will at least understand what I was striving to achieve.
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I am, at heart, a mitzvah opportunist. I believe in a personal God who is constantly placing mitzvah opportunities in front of each of us --- kind of like low-hanging fruit, ripe for the picking. And because I believe “free will” is an essential part of our existence, we get to choose at any given moment, if we wish to do the mitzvah God has put in front of us. Now, I know we cannot possibly take advantage of every mitzvah opportunity laid in front of us – we have to prioritize. I personally find this challenging because I am a GREEDY mitzvah opportunist. I really want to do as much good as I can. But there are limits – time, patience, our loved ones, our job --- it’s hard. And I often regret having passed up on a mitzvah opportunity. But, given the way God made the world, there is ALWAYS going to be a new mitzvah opportunity right around the corner.
At the heart of everything I do, is that core Jewish value – “that which you find hateful, do not do unto others.” It’s a little different than the Christian version of the Golden Rule, you know it: “do unto others as you’d have them do unto you.” Our version assumes less, while their version assumes more.
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In the version, “do unto others,” if I like ham and cheese sandwiches, especially on Yom Kippur, then I would offer them to you, my dear Jewish friends, because it’s what I like. Never mind, that you are fasting, that you can’t mix milk with meat, oh yes, AND YOU CAN’T EAT PORK! I like it, therefore, you will like it, too.
The Jewish version, “that which you find hateful, don’t do unto others,” has its roots in the Torah. Thirty-six times in the Torah God tell us to care for the stranger in our midst – (using the term “illegal alien” flies in the face of this mitzvah. Why?! Because WE were slaves unto Pharaoh in Egypt). We know how awful it is to be treated like a stranger in a strange land, so it would be hypocritical and downright ungrateful for us, as natives to this land, to treat the stranger cruelly.
Let’s make this more personal. I do not like it when people speak critically about me behind my back. I despise it. I think it’s cowardly. I much prefer, if someone has a beef with me, then they make an appointment (to ensure privacy), and then tell me personally, face-to-face, what the problem is they have with my behavior. This allows me the chance to hear the criticism unfiltered, without going through secondary, unreliable sources.
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Direct conversation also allows me the chance to explain myself, and most importantly, it allows the critic to know that I heard them, appreciate them, and maybe even work with them to come up with a solution to address the problem.
Now, like the rest of you, I am prone to gossip. And in a synagogue, or any close-knit grouping of human beings, it is very tempting to gossip. Anthropologists say that we humans are actually wired for gossip because of all those centuries of us being gathered around the fire in the cave at night. There was no tv back then. Not even a radio. What were our ancient, hairy ancestors to do with all that down time? The winters can be long when you are cooped up in a cave together. So, our ancestors gossiped to while away the hours. At least, so say the anthropologists.
That all said, I don’t like being gossiped about, especially as it doesn’t give me a chance to either defend myself or address the problem. Then why on earth would I do that to another person – which I HAVE done. Because, it’s HARD to be a good person. At Yom Kippur, the best we can hope to become is a BETTER person.
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Another way I like going about being a better person is to engage with people different than myself. I crave human diversity. I think it comes, in part, from the Biblical dictum that we are each made b’tselem Elohim, “in the image of God.”
Therefore, in the diversity I find in my fellow human beings, be it racial differences, religious differences, outward sexual identify differences, cultural differences, nation-of-origin differences, in ALL these differences I find different manifestations of God. And since it is impossible to know God personally, the best I can hope for is manifestations of the Divine as expressed in the richness of human diversity.
Also, as a Jew, I think it’s good for us to be engaged with others, as frankly, we need ALL the allies we can get! So, by constant bridge-building, I hope to make life better for me, for you, and for your children, by creating positive engagements between others and me, as I try to live the most authentic expression of Judaism that I can openly manifest.
My craving for both diversity and for allies was on full display at my TBE Rabbinical Installation last month. I am so grateful to our volunteers and staff who pulled this all together so beautifully.
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On that day, I wanted to get as many different people into this synagogue as possible, and give them an extraordinary Temple Beth El experience. I loved them, in ALL their diversity, and I hoped that they would love us in all our authentic Jewish expression --- right down to those delicious rugelach we served during our TBE High Tea.
But if you want a real handle on what motivates me – simply put, I just want to be kind. I think kindness is king – or queen – I am very egalitarian! I love being kind. I love putting a smile on someone else’s face. If someone is going to speak about me behind my back, I hope they will lead with “Rabbi Michael Beals is kind.” I am a lot of OTHER things, too, but being kind means the most to me. And when I am caught being Unkind, then I truly wish to repent, because that’s the last thing I want to be.
Which leads me to these hundreds of phrases of confession we are going to recite in the next 25-hours. If I could simplify the whole ritual to you, it would be in two simple words: (1) BE (2) KIND. To riff on the 1st century rabbi, Akiva, “all the rest is commentary – go learn it.”
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May all of us walk away from this Yom Kippur 5785 with a renewed commitment to be the kindest version of ourselves possible, and may we practice deeds of gemilut hasidim, of loving kindness, at any and every possible opportunity, v’imru, and let us say, amen.